Third Age

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Rion Antirio Bridge, across the Gulf of Corinth, Greece

When I retired in 2001, at age 61, I was determined to start this phase of my life, called “third age” by the French who coined the phrase, with the same gusto that all Mediterranean cultures apply to experiencing life.  

I figured that, no matter at what age we enter this new stage – 50? 55? 65? --, it can, if not should, mark the beginning of a rewarding new life. Whether this transition is caused by voluntary retirement, downsizing, or an empty nest, it can be considered the bridge from there to here, from then to now.

I had heard, as anybody over the age of 50 has, retired or not, one or all of the following statements:

            "What on earth am I going to do with myself when I retire?"

             "So what do you do with yourself, now that you're retired?"

            "He's going to drive me crazy, when he is under foot all day!"

I always found these statements very distressing, based as they are on the common assumption that retirees generally feel useless and bored, mourning a lost sense of purpose, and in search of self-validation.

Our perceptions of retirement will determine how we approach and manage our “third age.” Although women usually effect this transition more smoothly since their lives have traditionally been more diversified than men's, this is by no means a gender-related issue. Man or woman, losing our familiar life structure can be disorienting. But it does not mean that our life has lost its purpose. It simply means that it requires a shift in focus.

Convinced that waiting till the morning after I officially pack it in to start thinking about what I was going to do for the rest of my life, was a non-starter, I began planning it while I was still working (self-employed as a translator as I was), over a period of several years. Doing so seemed a better way than the daunting challenge of considering my options on the morning of day one of my Third Age phase.

Either way, now is the time to concentrate, once again, on ourselves and our relationships. More than ever, today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Undoubtedly a luxury we never had before, we can now look at our life and ask: What do I want? What would make me happy? What would fulfill me at this point of my life? This was a time to become grounded enough to define new goals.

As is the case for all important life events -- marriage, job change, move to another state, divorce, birth or death of a friend or family member --, a positive attitude is the key to a successful transition. Since attitudes are based on perceptions, revising the latter is a good place to start. The following little quiz could help clarify our own perception of this most important phase of life:

            -           Do I rally around our society's perception of aging as a state of lesser status, non-existent sexual needs, decreased mental acuity, fewer intellectual aspirations, and diminished physical abilities? 

            -           Has my sense of self-worth and personal identity been tied to my main life activity --  whether professional career, or home/family management -- thus making my role-based life one-dimensional?

            -           Did I ever find time to develop a variety of interests outside of my main life activity?

            -           Was my main life activity always my first priority, before and at the expense of my own needs and of my relationships with the significant people in my life -- partner, children, parents, friends?

A “yes” answer to any or all of those questions will point to the disappearance of our central life role might cause us to momentarily lose our anchor, doubt ourselves, and feel bored, frustrated or inadequate.

Whether or not we had a choice in the decision to terminate our main life activity, our mental attitude will make the difference between being fulfilled or miserable in our third age.  It's most important that we look at retirement as our opportunity to relax, continue – or possibly start – learning, grow and enjoy life, instead of a threat to our sense of self-worth, to be endured more or less gracefully. The third age is our chance to explore new dimensions of our lives. It's the time to turn inward and become acquainted with our other selves, possibly for the first time. We have earned the right to do so, and we deserve it. Throughout my adult life, I tried to regularly meet my needs in six fundamental areas:

1.         Physical - The pursuit of fitness, based on our present health status and personal tastes, has priority over all the others, since we can't really undertake anything when our health isn't up to par. Keeping fit was an all-encompassing concern to maintain or improve my mental as well as physical health. For myself, I always chose swimming and walking on a regular basis. They require little or no financial commitment, and also provide valuable “alone” time to reflect, plan, think, decide, etc. Because I have had arthritis, thus mobility issues – which are getting worse on a yearly basis -- for many years, swimming is the all-purpose physical activity to keep me in shape. Also, since my balance is not what it should be, I bought an adult tricycle, which allows me to bike without the fear and risk of falling.

Other options are endless: join a local gym; become a member of the local senior hiking group; sign up for water aerobics; have a grandchild teach you how to roller-blade; take golfing lessons; go for daily walks either with a friend, or listening to recorded books tapes; teach another grandchild to play ping-pong; take a yoga class; learn how to ride a horse.

2.         Mental - The pursuit of learning motivated me throughout the years to attend first correspondence then evening classes in any and all of the subjects I was interested in: psychology, history, archaeology, philosophy, art and music. The last few years, as my mobility has decreased, I am an avid customer of the Great Courses library, by the Teaching Company, whose CD’s or DVD’s on a multitude of college-level courses brought the world of learning into my living-room. And since I joined the 21st century by getting an iPad, I am now connected with cyberspace on the Internet in more ways than I would have ever dreamt possible. Researching has become one of my favorite pastimes.

Other options might include obtaining a higher degree in your present field of expertise, or auditing a course in an unrelated discipline. Registering with the Extension Division of your local university or college for classes on the history of music, or Chinese cooking, auto mechanics, astronomy, mahjong, or a foreign language, might be just the challenges your mind is seeking. Learning new skills are vital to keeping our brains in shape.

If, for psychological or financial reasons, you need to stay on the income-producing track, try exploring other ways to use your specific talents, skills, and experience: start your own business, or freelance, or switch to part-time employment.

Another option is to act as a mentor to young fledglings starting out in your area of expertise. The AARP's S.C.O.R.E (Senior Corps of Retired Executives) recruits retired executives for that very purpose. Your local chamber of commerce might also be a good resource, either as a participant or a volunteer.

If staying involved in your community is one of your primary interests, civic and local government or church groups are excellent resources to donate your time and experience.

3.         Spiritual – Although an atheist in general, and more specifically a secular humanist,  the care of my soul has always been one of my priorities. Learning to meditate served many purposes, not the least of which was for stress-management; and exploring my creativity has been the most satisfying and rewarding way to develop my spiritual self, mainly through writing and photography. Both of which led me to creating my own website (www.moniquesreflections.com)

Among others are reading books on spiritual awakening, or holistic medicine; exploring world religions; attending a service in any of several religious houses of worship; or starting a journal to explore your inner self. Now is the time to respond to old creative urges, or to explore new ones. Dust off your easel, palette and brushes; volunteer as an usher with a regional theatre group; join your church choir; take a photography course to use that digital Canon camera your spouse gave you for Christmas two years ago; learn how to play the recorder; sign up for a creative writing class; participate in a storytelling festival.

4.         Emotional – My focus on relationships has always been paramount in my life.  And they have been so with more care and attention since I retired. With the advent of e-mail and the prominence it’s had the last ten years, I spend a lot of time getting and staying in touch with family and friends. No matter how important, indispensable, valuable, famous or successful we were during our main life activity, the only aspect of our lives that we need the most, that will remain and never go away or disappear, is our relationships.

So now is a good time to rediscover your spouse as a life partner, by deciding on a weekly "play day," giving you the opportunity to explore your community together, or share an activity you both enjoy; create new bonds with your adult children, by learning about their own interests, or taking each one out for a meal every so often to share your respective lives; learn who your grandchildren are by finding out their likes and dislikes and how you could support their growth. Re-assess your friendships, by nurturing your existing ones with quality contacts and joint activities; resurrect old ones with friends who live out of state; explore new ones, with that person you met at the gym or at the library.

5.         Social – Volunteering for some cause or another has always been a must for me, also. Possibly from a sense of having to give back to society, or a need to help those less fortunate than I? When I was growing up in a Catholic school K-12, great emphasis was placed on altruistic pursuits, and it remained a part of my adult life up to now. My favorite causes were first in Pediatrics in the local hospital – to nurture babies and children whose mothers couldn’t be around all day; then recording newspapers on the radio for the blind; also helping a young blind attorney by recording his briefs and writing his bills; transporting and helping set up a young blind magician’s gear when he had to go perform at one venue or another. As I grew older, my cause became giving neck/shoulder massages to young resident mothers at a Shelter for Abused Women, and leading a meditation class, all to help them relax and focus. Finally, my last undertaking was to create in Utah (where I was living at the time) a chapter for Compassion & Choices, an organization devoted to end-of-life issues and promoting the right to die with dignity for all patients. I am still currently involved with that organization.

If you thrive on altruistic pursuits, endless volunteer opportunities abound, in churches, schools, government or non-profit agencies, hospitals, homeless or animal shelters, with adults or children, the very old, the very sick, the blind, the battered, the illiterate, the refugees; visit the shut-ins, deliver Meals-on-Wheels, teach English as a second language, become a Big Sister/Brother, etc.

If your interests rest with politics, the ACLU or the League of Women Voters and similar organizations which are run only by volunteers, will welcome you with open arms.     

If being with and meeting people is what makes you happy, learning to square dance, forming a gourmet club, joining a book discussion group, becoming a docent in your local museum, or joining an investment club are great opportunities to bring fun into your life.

6.         Recreational – My favorite pastimes growing up were athletic and creative ones. In my youth and young adulthood, I played basket-ball, volley-ball, ping-pong, tennis, swimming and biking. As I became an adult, and was busy working and raising a family, tennis and swimming were the only activities I had time for. When my mobility issues became more obvious, I had to adjust as they increased, and limited myself to swimming and walking. For me, these were recreational activities, not just “exercising.” My love of films and reading now keep me quite busy with the help of my computer, and movie groups I created where we live – viewing either foreign or independent films, and then discussing them after/with a social hour with friends.

Exploring new hobbies and pursuing old ones, might just be the ticket for you at this time. It can be to never miss a Sunday crossword puzzle; or dig in that “to- read” list of books you have compiled in the last 20 years; go back to collecting stamps; take up bird-watching with your local Audubon Society chapter; visit museums; scout flea markets; start a shell collection; take up fishing.

If travel has always been in your blood, you no longer need to organize your trips around your available annual vacation days. You can now take advantage of last-minute, money-saving opportunities available on the Internet. Or join an Elderhostel expedition into the wonders of another continent. And if an RV is your thing, go for it full-time and hit the road as a free agent.

For myself and my husband (who retired at the end of 2002), travel took up most of our “retired time.” Through a combination of cruises and/or guided tours, we discovered Alaska, the Panama Canal, some of the Caribbean (not our favorite), Finland and Norway, St. Petersburg in Russia, Greece, Egypt, England (my husband’s home land), Italy, France (that one was easy since it’s my home country!), the Danube river from Budapest to Prague (including Vienna and Salzburg), Australia, S.E. Asia (Singapore, Beijing, S. Korea, etc.), the Xmas markets on the Rhine (Basel to Amsterdam), Belgium, the Netherlands, Tahiti, Hawaii, Peru (Machu Picchu), Ecuador (the Galàpagos Islands), Brazil, Chile.

Indulging in our common passion was an all encompassing activity for us. It happened to satisfy our respective needs in all of the above categories: exercise due to the active pace of the tours we go on, learning other countries’ cultures and histories, creativity through the travelogues I write after each trip, with photos about them; spending quality time with my husband without interference from our various home activities; social, by meeting different people from different countries; and certainly recreational by having a lot of fun with it all!

I am told some retirees are bored. I can't imagine how or why. No matter how or where you choose to spend your newly-found free time, you will soon wonder, as most retirees have been known to do: "How, on earth, did I manage before I retired? I wouldn’t have time to work now!"